FOOTBALL 419 - Paul Chukwuma & Virtue United
Not really a humerous one to read, but thats because I played it fairly straight to ensure I got the trophy - and its a good one.
It started off after I sent this seed -
Dear Sir
I'm not sure how you came about my email address but I am not in a position to help you with this particular offer.
I am normally associated with assistance, donations and good will to sporting teams in need and I guess that is how you came by my contact details on the internet.
I hope you find assistance in your endeavours, or indeed if you did represent a sporting club and I misunderstood the request please feel free to come back to me.
Regards,
Wayne Kerr
Marketing Oficer
ARSE CLOWNS FOOTBALL CLUB
- to Makiba Anna (another successful trophy).
Makiba Anna - Click image to see full-size.She replied saying along the lines that her brother played for a football club and could he get in touch with me about me helping his team out.
I was of course more than happy to oblige and replied to her in the positive.
Paul Chukwuma then introduced himself, and we pick up the thread with my reply to him (my apologies for losing the earlier correspondence)...
Dear Sir
I thank you for your interest in our football club and for considering us worthy of being able to help you out.
Before we discuss whether or not we are willing to accept you onto our Mascot Program and ultimately provide you with a donation, we require you to tell us about your club.
We wish the following details from you -
* Official address and contact for the club
* A brief history of the club
* Why you require the money and your intentions for it useWe look forward to your reply.
Regards,
Wayne Kerr
Marketing Oficer
ARSE CLOWNS FOOTBALL CLUB
From: Paul Chukwuma
Subject: Fwd: V.F.C BACKGROUND INFORMATION
Date: Tue 05/11/04 04:23 AM
Dear Wayne,
Thank you for your mail , how is work today? i hope all is well.
As regards the information you required from me, find below an attached copy.Paul Chukwuma.
V.F.C Coach.Note: forwarded message attached.
From: Paul Chukwuma
Subject: V.F.C BACKGROUND INFORMATION
Date: Tue 05/11/04 04:23 AM
Vitue Football club (V.F.C)of Surulere was formed in the year 1999.
The Club Official Address.
3A BAIYE STREET,
OFF OLATILAWA STREET,
SURULERE, LAGOS,
NIGERIA.
TEL : 234-01-8162301
MOBILE : 234-8033035299
The club was formed from a selection of players chosen after the annual
senior secondary school Principal cup in the year 1999 in lagos state.
the vision of the club is to promote young players strictly on the bases
of talent.The club has plan to play competition matches with renewned
proffessional club in nigeria football association at amateur and
professional level.Our present financial circumstance has promoted us to look for
sponsorship and we would be grateful if you can assist in the following
areas:A)Provisions of kit (Bips,Jerseys and Boots) for players.
B) We would also be gladful if you can realy assist in putting heads
together with us so that from our most potent players, you could
creating chance for trial after which you can facilitate the movement of
players to your team over sea, and make out market for our club .I wait in pleasurable anticipation for your soul lifting response
Paul Chukwuma
Dear Sir
I can tell you that your application has been considered provisionally successful.
This means the club has agreed to provide you with £10,000 once you have become a Mascot Associate of our club. We feel embarressed we cannot offer you more than this, but the previous year saw the club struggle on the field and we've tighter budget to work with this season.
To become a Mascot Associate member the following requirements will need to be met -
1. You will need to sign an application letter which is currently being prepared. You will need to scan the signed letter and send it back to me.
2. You will send a team photo with every player in your squad, and the coach and director of the club. Every person in the photo must be holding a printed copy of our team name. I will provde an appropriate image for this when I send you the application letter. It is important that you find a good photographer for this photo and when you scan it to send back to us you do so at no less than 1024 pixels wide.
I will remind you again of these conditions when the application letter is ready.
Congratulations!
Regards,
Wayne Kerr
Marketing Oficer
ARSE CLOWNS FOOTBALL CLUB
From: Paul Chukwuma
Subject: Thank you for your effort !!!
Date: Wed 05/12/04 04:24 AM
Dear Wayne,
Thank you for your mail and your effort towards making our application a success.
We are grateful to have you as a future associate and you will be glad having us work with you.
With all anticipation we will be expecting to recieve and sign the necessary and required documents to become a (Mascot Associate member).
PLease do not forget to indicate the image of the team name that should printed and heald during the team photo. [I really do appreciate a lad that wants to get it right!]
Please, in your next mail kindly remind or confirm the conditions when the application letter is ready.
Thanks once again.
Paul Chukwuma
Coach
Dear Paul
I have attached an application letter you should read carefully. If you are happy please sign it and scan a copy to send back to me.
I have also attached a word document with our club nickname. Please print out a copy of this for EVERY person that is to appear in the photograph.I will remind you of the conditions of the photo -
You will send a team photo with every player in your squad, and the coach and director of the club. Every person in the photo must be holding the printed copy of our team name. It is important that you find a good photographer for this photo and when you scan it to send back to us you do so at no less than 1024 pixels wide.
On receiving your signed letter and the photograph we should be in a position to send you the donation.
In due course we may also be able to send you additional equipment that our sponsors provide such as footballs and drinking bottles - but we will tell you about these details and the many other benefits later.
Regards,
Wayne Kerr.
And of course I attach the application letter and club nickname.
From: Paul Chukwuma
Subject: Agreement
Date: Fri 05/14/04 01:28 PM
Dear Wayne,
Sorry for the delay of the agreement , below is an attached copy, and unfailingly by monday morning the picture will be available.
Thanks
PAUL CHUKWUMA
COACH.
Nothing very exciting about the form, but click the pic for a full size view if you want.
From: Paul Chukwuma
Subject: Hello
Date: Mon 05/17/04 03:22 AM
Hello Wayne Kerr,
I have send the agreement form to you, Do you receive it?
Paul.
At this stage I have ignored him for a few days due to being too busy, so I come up with an excuse.
Thanks for your mail
I am sorry I have been too busy to reply to you but have not been in at work for the past 3 days due to some personal problems.
Yes I have received your agreement form and all is well there.
We look forward to your team photo as specified so we can complete your donation.
Thank you,
Wayne Kerr.
From: Paul Chukwuma <paul_chukwumma01@yahoo.com>
Subject: Hello
Date: Tue 05/18/04 02:02 PMDear Wayne Kerr ,
how is work today? do not worry about the problems of life as regards your personal problem it will be over soon since you know that tough time dont last but tough people do. [until you scam me of course]
Our team pics is ready but it just that with the description you gave was not too easy to scan as an attachment but all the same by Gods grace tommorow in good time we shall have it scan for your view.
Once again thanks for your co-operation.
Paul Chukwuma.
Sir
Thank you humbly for your kind words.
In regards to the photo I guess you do the best you can and we shall see what you come up with.
Best of luck,
Wayne.
At this point I was beginning to wonder if he'd ever come through with the photo but felt it wasn't time to slap him yet.
From: Paul Chukwuma
Subject: Hello
Date: Wed 05/19/04 07:53 AM
Hello Wayne,
Thank you for your email. I hope you are getting better now.
I am in the process of getting the Photo scanned, Once i am through with the scanning, I will forward it to you straightaway and also send an email acknowledging the sending of the Photo.
Thanks for your Coperation.
Regards,
Paul Chukwumma
From: Paul Chukwuma <paul_chukwumma01@yahoo.com>
Subject: Team Picture
Date: Wed 05/19/04 09:45 AM
Hello Wayne,
I have Finally attached the picture, You would get it below in the attachment. Kindly email back to me so that i could know how we proceed, Also, I would love to have your direct contact phone number so that i could have voice conversation with you.
I expect your Email.
Regards,
Paul
The lad has done me proud! Click the pic for a full size view.
Naturally I'm delighted with the photo, but rather than arrange some fake payment details just yet I thought I'd try arrange a friendly game against another "football team", The Boy Scouts of Nigeria, which I've baited around the same time. This other team incidentally is run by "The Chief" who is well known to www.419eater.com visitors.
From: Wayne Kerr
To: Paul Chukwuma
Subject: Re: Team Picture
Date: Thu 05/20/04 06:19 PM
Dear Paul
Thank you very much for the photo and the attention to detail you went
to.We have a proposition for you we hope you will like the sound of.
We recently provided a donation to another football club in your country.
In actual fact the money was donated to the Boy Scouts of Nigeria, but
they are using it to start a club for scouts which they will honour us
by also calling themselves Arse Clowns.In any event the directors here were hoping that your two teams could
play against each other. They are willing to offer another £8,000 for
each team if you do this.The PR from this exercise would be of great value to us so we hope you
will comply. All we ask of you in doing this is to record the event with
a few photographs of the game and a combined teams photo holding the
Arse Clown sign I have previously provided you with.What do you think?
Regards,
Wayne Kerr.
The Chief was keen but Paul wasn't replying. I sent a wake up call which I cc'd to The Chief.
Dear Paul
The Scouts have agreed to the friendly game to
celebrate international friendship and your both
joining the Mascot Program.I have not heard from you for some time so I am
wondering how Virtue United feels about playing
against the Scouts (or Arse Clowns FC as they honour
us by sharing our name).I look forward to your reply.
Regards,
Wayne Kerr.
Paul took too long to get back to me, and "The Chief" whose in charge of the other team claims he couldn't get hold of him either. Finally he replies.
From: Paul Chukwuma
Subject: Thanks in advance!!!!
Date: Wed 05/26/04 02:19 PM
Dear Wayne Kerr,
How are you today? i hope every thing is fine with you. Sorry for not been able to mail you all this while which is as a result of my father's failing health. as the only and first son i have to make every thing possible to guarantee him a quality life and good health in as much as i want our club to grow too must expecialy now that we are becoming an associate member of ARSE CLOWN.As regards your proposition , we are happy to hear that which will help us to prove more of our skills and strength in the new era of today football recration activity. though for some time now my assistant have being doing some nice job even in my abscence.
With all antiscipation we are willing to meet the Boy Scouts of Nigeria but to make thing in the right manner we are financially handicaped to raise money for welfare, conveying,photographs and videos.We will be gratefull if you can realy be of help to make our dream comes true since the friendly is one of the opportunity we have been looking forward to .
on this not we will enjoy you encourage us with few funds , not necessary the intial E10,000 you promised but just some fund to keep us moving .
Thanks in advance and hope to hear from you soon.Best Regards
PAUL CHUKWUMA.
In the end with both parties obviously wanting their money and me prefering not to burn them without a little more fun I decide to let the friendly game go.
Sir
Naturally we will provide the donation as soon as possible. I will be arranging a delivery of goods for your club today.
Next week I will inform you of an address you can go to to pick up the delivery of footballs, drink bottles and your cheque.
We can discuss the friendly match then.
Regards,
Wayne.
From: Paul Chukwuma
Subject: Thanks in advance!!!!
Date: Fri 05/28/04 01:54 PM
Dear Wayne Kerr,
Thanks for your response, i appreciate your effort and support towards the growth of virtue football club a subsidiary of ARSE CLOWN . We look forward to recieving the address for the items you have for us.
Unfortunately,I have been informed by my bank that it takes about a month and some couple of weeks for a foreign cheque to be cashed for security reasons.
They suggested we use Western Union or provide you with an account were the funds could be wired into directly, I believe that way it will make the situation of things faster, easier and safer,kindly bear with us.
NB: Kindly include some jerseys and shorts in the items you intend to send considering the picture we send to you, you could view that we really need the Jersey for the friendly match as a coming up ARSE CLOWN associate member.
Hope to hear from you as soon as possible.
Best regards,
Paul Chukwuma.
Sir
I hear what you are saying.
I will see what can be arranged.
Regards,
Wayne
From: Paul Chukwuma
Subject: Thanks in advance!!!!
Date: Tue 06/01/04 01:07 AM
Hello Wayne,
Thanks very much we look forward to receiving your mail.
Regards
Paul Chukwumma.
From: Wayne Kerr
To: Paul Chukwuma
Subject: Re: Thanks in advance!!!!
Date: Wed 06/02/04 08:57 PM
Sir
Your delivery should now be ready to be picked up.
You can collect at our agent at -
Pacific signs
34 Madumere st
Owerri
Imo-state
NigeriaAsk for Ajuzie when you visit there, he has your goods and payment
details.Best of British Luck,
Wayne Kerr.
The address I've given him is for "Amazine Grace FC" - a contact address I was given for a previous Arse Clowns bait where the lad went quiet on me. Just seeing if I can cause some trouble between mugus. I've sent The Chief to visit Paul Chukwuma and my intention is to then on-send him to the above as well. I would have sent Paul Chukwuma to The Chief but I lost the address - maybe later...
From: Paul Chukwuma
Subject: CONTACT INFORMATIONS REQUIRED
Date: Thu 06/03/04 01:34 AM
Dear Wayne Kerr ,
Thank you for your effort so far, i will appreciate you give me the phone contact of mr. Ajuzie as O werri is a very far place from Lagos which is about 300 miles . [that's a shame!]
Concerning the donation i thought we suggested accunt arrangement or via western union ?
To be on a safe side it will do more better if i can have your phone contact too so that we can relate and discus issue in proper way all this while you should have been making arrangement for certificate or some document that should guarantee our club as a bonafide member of ARSE CLOWN ASSOCIATE .
I anticipate yur favourable response.
PAUL CHUKWUMA.
Thank you oncer again for Wayne
From: Wayne Kerr
Subject: Re: CONTACT INFORMATIONS REQUIRED
Date: Thu 06/03/04 09:21 PM
Dear Sir
Mr Ajuzie has arranged a cash donation for you and he has all the
equipment we promised.I hope your club has every success with this injection of good will and
funding.Sincerely,
Wayne Kerr (Your Friend)
From: Paul Chukwuma
Subject: CONTACT INFORMATIONS REQUIRED
Date: Tue 06/08/04 12:27 PM
Hello Wayne,
Thanks for your mail,we are currently in owerri right now and it very difficult for us to locate Mr Ajuzie, could you please provide us with a Telephone contact of Him so that we could Schedule for an appointment.
Look forward to receiving your mail.
Best regards.
He's lieing. The ip address on this email matches his previous ones identically.
From: Wayne Kerr
Subject: Re: CONTACT INFORMATIONS REQUIRED
Date: Tue 06/08/04 10:25 PM
Dear Paul
I'll do even better than that - I've scheduled a meeting beetween you
two at the address given for Wednesday at 3pm.Since you are already in Owerri he guarantees he will be waiting for you.
I hope you have every success with the donation and equipment.
Sincerely,
Wayne Kerr.
Let's see if that freaks out the lieing sod.
From: Paul Chukwuma
Subject: Extremely urgent
Date: Wed 06/09/04 01:56 AM
Hello Wayne,
Thanks for your effort, like i told you in my previous that the problem is that we couldnt locate the place i mean pacific Signs, so we would love to get a phone contact of Mr Ajuzie so that we can reach him for assistance in locating the venue.
I look forward to receiving the Contact.
Once thanks in anticipation.
Best regards
Paul c.
From: Wayne Kerr
Subject: Re: Extremely urgent
Date: Wed 06/09/04 02:01 AM
Dear Paul
OK I see the problem. Pacific Signs is the old name of the business that
occupied 34 Madumere st.Don't worry if you see no signs there, the agent is there.
Wayne.
I'm hoping he'll make a wasted trip there.
He never replied and I thought this was finished, but suddenly about 6 weeks later...
From: Paul Chukwuma
Subject: Help!!!
Date: Mon 07/26/04 03:23 AM
Hello Sir/Madam,
I wish to introduce myself as Mr Tony Adams a team Director of an upcoming football club in South Africa.
We are an upcoming football team soliciting for funds and public support to enable the growth of the Amateur team and to become an associate member of your football team, We are financially Handicapped to sponsor the needs and provisions for the club.Please kindly assist us in any way you can.
We will be very grateful if our request is given a prompt response.
Hope to hear from you soon.Sincerely Yours
Tony Adams[tEAM Manager]
Tony Adams? Maybe he's trying to pull one on me but I'm not going to play his game.
From: Wayne Kerr
Subject: Re: Help!!!
Date: Mon 07/26/04 07:55 AM
Dear Paul
What are you doing?
You never got back to me in regards whether you received our donation or
not, but I know you didn't because it was never collected.Why are you pretending to be someone else? This is most confusing.
How are you anyway?
Regards,
Wayne Kerr.
From: Paul Chukwuma
Subject: Appeal for assistance!!!
Date: Mon 08/02/04 04:29 AM
Hello Wayne,
Thanks for your mail, we did not receive any of the items as mentioned in your mail, all effort to locate Mr Ajuzie in owerri proved abortive. please if there is any way you can help in contacting him for the retrival of items that was sent to him.
Wayne we would very much appreciate if you can help us financially we are solely relying on you , the team needs some equipments for a upcoming Local League which will involve the need of finance for feeding and shelter and medicals.
We are appealing to you to be of kind assistance to us .
I look forward to receiving your mail.
Warmest regards,
Paul Chukwumma.
From: Wayne Kerr
Subject: Re: Appeal for assistance!!!
Date: Mon 08/02/04 11:31 PM
Dear Paul
Well I am glad you wrote back to us as we were wondering what had
happened.Mr Ajuzie as is turns out ran off with our money. We are not sure why
but we think he was a scammer.This is very unfortunate for us and for you but hopefully we can sort
this out soon.First we need to find a new agent in your part of the world to
distribute donations and goods such as those you were about to receive.If only we can find a trustworthy man.
We shall be in contact anyway, good luck and I shall speak to you soon.
Regards,
Wayne Kerr.
From: Paul Chukwuma
Subject: Help!!!
Date: Tue 08/03/04 12:31 PM
Hello Wayne,
Thanks for your mail, its so good to hear from you again.
Waiting to see a trusthworthy fellow will be taking much time and most especially now that the club is seriously in need of finance which could be done easily via any form of transfer which is Safer and faster.Wayne, what i am trying to say is that the clubs needs financial assistance at these period, so please we would appreciate any token been donated to the club most especially for the upcoming local league i told you about which would cost about GBP 650 for registration so as for us to take part in the upcoming event .
We wiil be very grateful if you can help us in any way.
Thanks as i await in anticipation for your prompt and favourable response.
Warmest regards,
Paul Chukwumma.
From: Wayne Kerr
Subject: Re: Help!!!
Date: Tue 08/10/04 07:04 PM
Dear Sir
I have been doing a lot of discussions with the board and we have
decided to offer you a proposal.In addition to the donation to your club we are considering offering you
a dual role as our representative in Nigeria.This means that you will become the agent.
This will require a brief and simple application process on your behalf
but if you are successful we can offer you a monthly contribution to
your club for this role.Do you like the sound of this idea?
Regards,
Wayne Kerr.
Let's now try a different game.
From: Paul Chukwuma
Subject: Yes i do!!!
Date: Mon 08/16/04 02:06 AM
Hello Wayne,
Thanks for your mail, sorry for not getting back to you ontime .
I really appreciate your suggestion and i will be very grateful to become your representative in Nigeria.I look forward to receiving your mail .
Warmest regards
Paul Chukwumma.
From: Wayne Kerr
Subject: Re: Yes i do!!!
Date: Wed 08/18/04 11:11 PM
Dear Paul
Sorry for the delay in getting back to you but I have been busy with
some personal matter.Anyway I glad you are open to the idea.
I have attached a personality test for you to fill in.
This will deem your suitability for the position.
Please return at your leisure.
Regards,
Wayne Kerr.
I attach a lengthy and rather silly questionaire.
He's been very quiet so I send him a quick email.
From: Wayne Kerr
Subject: Re: Yes i do!!!
Date: Wed 09/01/04 10:15 PM
Dear Sir
We have not yet received your answers to the questionaire?
Do you still want the job?Regards,
Wayne Kerr
Nearly two weeks later I get a response.
From: Paul Chukwuma
Subject: Hello!!!
Date: Tue 09/14/04 01:27 PM
Hello Wayne,
So sorry for not getting back to you ontime yes i still do want the Job, its just that i have been away for quite a long time i think i will fill the questionaire and get back to you ASAP.
Best Regards
Paul C.
From: Wayne Kerr
Subject: Re: Hello!!!
Date: Sun 09/19/04 08:10 PM
Dear Sir
How goes your application go?
Regards,
Wayne Kerr
Still not getting a response so I send a warning shot.
From: Wayne Kerr
Subject: Re: Hello!!!
Date: Tue 09/21/04 06:36 PM
Dear Sir
Is your application coming soon or not? If not we shall have to forget
the whole thing and withdraw our support from Africa. The whole venture
is proving too time-consuming and costly.Regards,
Wayne Kerr
Well, let's see if he'll respond to this.
From: Wayne Kerr
Subject: Re: Hello!!!
Date: Wed 09/29/04 06:35 PM
Dear Sir
The position of agent has been filled. I am sorry that you could not
apply for the position but we did give you more than ample time to apply.If there is any other way we can help you please don't hesitate to ask.
Regards,
Wayne Kerr
Well he never replied.
End.
